A Part of Me
by MissWes
Summary: They loved…they lost…can they find each other again? An H/G story of love, longing, parting and second chances. AU.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's note-I am back:) Let me start with some explanation first- This is AU, some events of canon did happen, others mostly from DH didn't. The timelines are also different. In my story, Harry and Ginny started dating in Ginny's 6__th__ year and continued dating till the end of Ginny's 7__th__ year. Obviously DD didn't die like he did in HBP but was killed after Harry graduated from Hogwarts. The rest of the back story will become clear as you read on. _

_I am experimenting a little with the narrative this time, so I'll be writing Chapters from Hermione, Harry and Ginny's POVs (most Harry and Ginny) and maybe I'll put one with Ron's as well._

_Now on with the story…_

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She watched him nurse his glass of mead as he stared at the fire. She did it often, this watching him, whenever the two of them got together. They didn't have much to say to each other on most days and when they did, they would talk about work and the wizarding world in general-never about what they had lost or the people they had lost.

During those rare moments when she had allowed herself to dream of a future during the war, it had never been this. In some of her girly fantasies, she has seen herself snuggled up with Ron by the fireplace in their cozy little home, or when she had really allowed herself to let go, she had imagined herself in a house of her own with little read headed children. She had accepted now that those dreams were never going to come true, she had made her peace with life, what broke her heart was the Harry hadn't.

It was strange how things turned out really. She was the one rooting for Ginny when the girl was crushing on Harry and when he finally snogged her in the middle of the common room she felt genuinely happy for both her friends. But after that, things started going downhill, Ron was still busy sucking Lavender's face and when Harry started walking around with the goofy grin and spending most of his free time with Ginny, she started feeling left out. It was as if her best friends had forgotten her and moved on with life.

She remembered how slowly things started getting strained between Ginny and her, till they reached a point where she felt nothing but resentment against her read headed 'friend'. She had felt hurt when Ginny had screamed at her for nagging Harry and felt betrayed when instead of defending her, Harry had supported his girlfriend, with a look of sappy adoration plastered on his face.

Ginny had apologized to her later for screaming, but never for her comment about nagging Harry. She had tried to let go too, but somewhere the anger against her stayed. For some reason, she found it easier to forgive Ron and Harry, perhaps because some part of her always looked at Ginny as the outsider. She didn't want to be so selfish, she had shared some great girl bonding moments with her; Ron and Harry, however, were different. She had been through so much with them that in her immature teen years she thought Ginny shouldn't and couldn't compete.

She knew better now, realized that she had been unfair to Ginny a lot of times. More than anything else she realized that it was rather petty on her part to see Ginny as competition. She wasn't, she was someone Harry had literally put on a pedestal, at least that's how she felt when she saw him brooding on evenings like this.

She understood that he missed her, she would always have a spot for Ron in her heart too, but she had decided to let go of what couldn't be. She often wondered why Harry couldn't? Were his feelings for Ginny stronger than the ones she had nursed for Ron or was it just something that had become a part of who he was…

It wasn't vanity that made her wonder sometimes, if she could help him move on? It was just what people called her practical sense and logic. They had been friends for so long, they were the two people who were left behind, maybe they could build something for themselves together…

She knew he didn't make her heart flutter like Ron did? He didn't make her as mad as he did either! He was sweet and sensitive, but he had never been able to make her heart melt, they way Ron did with his silly grins. They could spend time together, they did almost every other week, it was always two lonely people just telling each other they were there, they gave each other comfort…not happiness. But, maybe that's how relationships were in real life, not everyone could have a fairytale romance…maybe if she allowed herself to, she could fall in love with him. He was someone she knew, trusted and loved already, right?

"You are awfully quiet today and that's saying a lot considering we don't usually have long animated conversations."

She looked up in the direction of her interruption, only to find him still staring at the cackling flames.

"I was thinking about something…" She answered slowly.

"Mhhmmm…what?" He asked in his typical distracted manner. She knew she had lost his attention already, probably to her yet again.

"Aren't you tired of living like this?" She decided to get straight to the point. She was tired of this and she wanted to know exactly where he stood!

"Like what?" He questioned back, finally turning to face her.

"This Harry! You were thinking about her again, right?"

"I am sorry, I didn't know I wasn't allowed to!" He bristled and she saw his eyes flash with defiant anger.

For a moment, she felt like backing out. She didn't want a row and she still found it hard to handle his sudden bursts of anger. But, it was now or never, she wanted to get some things out of her system, so she decided to plough on.

"She has moved on Harry…don't you think you should too?" She hadn't done it deliberately, but she found her tone had turned placating.

He didn't answer her immediately, but turned his attention back to the flames and she wondered if she had chosen the wrong time to have this discussion. But, then again, with Harry, there was probably never a right time for this.

"I tried to….you know I did…but I have made peace with the fact that I can't. Feelings don't just die…"

"Her feelings have!" She spat, she knew she shouldn't have sounded so venomous, but her anger and irritation with Ginny had only increased over time.

He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a deep breath, "It was my fault…I hurt her…"

If it wasn't for the sad silence that usually enveloped his flat, she wouldn't have heard his admission.

"And she didn't give you a chance to explain!"

She wondered now, why she had even started this discussion. This situation wasn't going to change; perhaps it was best if she pulled herself out it! But before she did that she wanted to shut this one door of hope.

"Don't you think you could have a better life, if you let go? We sit here like two fools, staring at these walls, lost in our own thoughts, neither of us is happy! They are gone! Both of them, they are living their lives and I am tired of being the one left behind…I…I want to live again too…like I should, like a woman my age should…" she trailed off, try as she might, she couldn't get herself to go on as she had planned to.

"Go on…move on…what's stopping you?"

Surprisingly, his words didn't hurt much, she felt a little disappointed for herself and sad for him, but that was it.

"I thought you always wanted a family Harry, what happened? You'll just let go of those dreams? She asked after a few moments of silence.

"I have a family, there's Teddy, Andromeda, You, Molly and of course Kreacher." He answered with a smile that as usual didn't reach his eyes.

"You know what I mean Harry…"

He didn't answer, but kept staring at his almost empty glass. Just when she thought their conversation was over, she heard him speak in a low wistful voice.

"You don't know what I had with her Hermione…I felt whole with her…all I had to do was to hold her close and I could feel at peace even during the worst times in my life…during the war she was my hope…"

"But, she is not here now Harry…."

"I know that…I am sorry Hermione it's easy for you to give all this advice about moving on because you don't know what it is like to have shared what I did with Ginny!" He started coldly, but made his tone softer almost immediately, perhaps he realized he had touched a raw nerve in her.

"I don't know much about romantic love, but whatever I do, I learnt from her. It's hard to let go of someone with whom you felt so complete…." He went quiet again and she wondered if that was going to be the end of this conversation, when he spoke again and this time with such sadness that she felt her heart break for him all over again.

"Maybe someday I will be ready to look for someone to replace her, but that's all she will be…a replacement. Right now I am not ready to do that…not to myself, not to anyone else…I don't know when and if I will be….I have stopped thinking about the future…"

He wouldn't say it directly, but these last words gave her the answer she was looking for. He would probably never get over Ginny, even if someday he decided to move on, and she would never want a man whose heart was somewhere else. She was done with pining for someone who wouldn't love her. In this case it didn't hurt so much because as much as she loved him, she was never as emotionally invested in him as she was in Ron.

At this point she only wished she could do something for him, wished Ginny would just give up whatever life she was leading and come back, wished the idiot girl could see how much he loved her!

"She'll come home this Christmas, talk to her."

"I tried to, remember? She never wrote back"

"A lot of time has passed since then, maybe she will listen now, you don't have anything to loose by trying do you?"

"Maybe…let's see if she decides not to flinch every time I get close to her…"

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_AN- Sorry, you won't see two AN's in other chapters, but there were just three more things I had to add. If it's not clear already, it will be H/G only, no H/HR. Second, I am still looking for a beta, so if anyone is interested please PM me. Third, the next update won't be before Jan._

_PS- I love reviews and constructive criticism is always welcome:)_


	2. Chapter 2

I_ own nothing other than the plot, everything else is JKR's._

_A big Thank you to my Beta Jenny for the work she did on this chapter._

Nervous, happy, excited, scared, curious, he was feeling so many emotions at once that he felt completely as sea. He had been distracted for most of the day at work and hadn't been able to concentrate on anything. If one owl could affect him like that, he wondered what

finally talking to her would do!

He had stopped trying to convince himself that he'd ever be able to completely give up the hope of her, a long time back. But he had learnt to suppress his desires and wants for most part; it was the only way he could function normally. Now, this one owl had re-ignited that little hope he had tucked away in a corner of his heart.

He knew he was probably setting himself up for disappointment, after all, the only thing the letter said that she missed him and wanted to see if they could salvage even a bit of friendship that they had destroyed. But, he had reached a point, where he knew he'd be happy to take whatever she was willing to give.

Perhaps if they could become friends again, he would finally learn to live with the fact that's all they'd ever be. He knew, she didn't have to reciprocate his feelings for him to love her, he had loved her with everything he had in her and he knew he always would.

Yet, this one gesture from her had also brought up some of the initial anger he had felt towards her. She had never replied to any of his letters, had made no attempt to respond to his efforts of reaching out to her and now suddenly she wanted to talk! For a moment, he had actually thought about not replying, but he had known even for those fleeting seconds that he wouldn't be able to that. She was Ginny and he was Harry and there was no way he would let go of the smallest chance of having her back in his life in whatever way it was possible.

He wasn't pathetic; he had spent the first few months feeling angrier with her than he had with anyone else in his life. Angry for not listening, angry for not understanding why he couldn't put her in danger, angry for not trusting him, angry for giving up on him and the love they had.

He had even tried to forget her for a while and move on, tried too hard in fact. He had gone on a few dates, had tried hard to have a good time, but had always come back home feeling empty and lonely. Last year he had even gone home with two of his dates hoping he'd feel something other than lust, but he had failed again. For some inexplicable reason, the strongest emotion he had felt even in the most heated moments was guilt.

He realized after those two miserable nights that he couldn't force himself to move past what he felt for her. It would happen if and when it was supposed to. If not, he'd learn to find happiness in the life he had created for himself.

Now, it looked like finding that happiness would be easier. At the very least, he hoped he would get some answers and find closure.

He read parchment for the nth time before folding it up carefully and putting it back on the bedside table he had picked it up from. One week and he would see her again, one week and for the first time in two years she wouldn't runaway when they were in the same room.

As he closed his eyes, his mind conjured up various images of the burrow. He loved the place, always would, but he couldn't deny it hurt every time he visited only home other than Hogwarts was no longer as cheerful as it was in the pre-war days. How could it be, there was no Arthur pottering about with his Muggle objects, no Ron always whining about being hungry and no Ginny to take the mickey out of Ron and whoever else she and George would drop in sometimes when he was there, but their jokes just never seemed as funny as they did when they teamed up with Ginny or ganged up against Ron.

Molly as strong as she had tried to be after Arthur's death, had lost a lot of her spirit and it hurt Harry every time he saw how much she had changed, but like most other things in his life, he had learned to live with it. It hadn't been easy at first, he had avoided going to Burrow completely, but Molly was not a woman you could avoid. He had learned that the hard way. In truth, he knew if it wasn't for her and Hermione, he would have completely fallen apart after the war.

Another part that always hurt whenever he visited Molly was the loss of Ron's friendship. He missed Ron a lot, sometimes almost as much as he missed Ginny, but that too was a part of his life that the war seemed to have snatched away from him. He didn't know why or what had changed Ron. He had figured that Ron probably blamed him for crushing his dreams. Not that he could find fault with that reasoning. Despite, how much work his therapist had done with him after the war, he couldn't help but blame himself for Ron's condition. Thankfully, he was getting better, last he heard he was walking normally again and was contemplating accepting an American club's offer to play Quidditch. He had already known about the latter though, the club owner had assured him that they would send someone to watch Ron play.

He wouldn't say he wasn't angry with Ron though; they had been like brothers and yet he had left him too, just like others in his life had. Maybe he was a fool, but like with Ginny, he hadn't ever completely lost the hope of someday having Ron back in his life either.

He stood at the apparating point, staring at the crooked house he had always loved. He wanted to bring some semblance of control back to his emotions before he saw her. He had been a mess since the morning.

He wasn't vain, what skinny specky git would be? But, he hadn't been able to stop himself from checking his reflection in the mirror and flattening his hair repeatedly. He couldn't even remember the last time he had been so concerned about his appearance and for all he knew the person who had inspired this desire may not even notice!

He took a few deep calming breaths, warned himself one last time to act cool and friendly and began taking long quick strides towards the burrow.

Even though he knew Ginny was at home, he hadn't expected to see her setting the table instead of the familiar sight of Molly. His first reaction was surprise, which was quickly followed by such a rapid increase in heart rate that he thought his chest would explode. He didn't know how she did it, but every time he saw her she looked more beautiful. Perhaps this time the fact that she was smiling at him made her look even more stunning. He wasn't sure how to greet her. Say "Hi" like he had done in the past only see a curt nod before she ran away or shake her hand because she had sent him a 'friendly' owl after all, or maybe hug her, but he wasn't sure how she'd react to it. So he stood there with a nervous grin and thankfully Ginny took the decision and for a glorious few seconds, she was in his arms again.

A moment ago he had been wondering how she would react to the hug and now he was overwhelmed himself. It didn't last long, but it was enough to give him a whiff of her intoxicating scent. He inhaled deeply willing his senses to remember this feeling and wondered yet again if he would ever be able to see her as just a friend, if he would ever stop wanting her in this lifetime.

_AN- I know I took forever to upload this. I have no excuse other than a huge writer's block. Anyhow, I am back now and hopefully won't take such a long break again. The next chapter is Ginny's POV btw. As usual would love to hear what you have to say._


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